Anunnaki Steal Russian Gold

Russia has begun protecting its vast gold reserves from a malicious race of extraterrestrials that seeks not only our destruction but also, for reasons unknown, our wealth, says a Kremlin insider speaking under condition of anonymity. He cites a classified Ministry of Defense report in which Defense Minister Sergey Shoygu demanded answers as to how nearly two thousand kilograms of gold had mysteriously vanished from a fortified underground vault in the Ural Mountains.

The incident occurred in June. Elvira Nabiullina, the head of the Central Bank of the Russian Federation, discovered the gold missing during a routine audit of the nation’s strategic gold reserves. Although Russia keeps the locations and amounts of stored currency a closely guarded secret, our source admitted that of eighteen audited locations, only one had been plundered by unidentified criminals. There was no sign of forced entry, and initial security footage reviews showed no evidence of intrusion. Kremlin forensic experts checked the unit for fingerprints, DNA residue, and fibers, but were stymied at the absolute absence of evidence. As if by magic, the precious metals had vanished from stacking palettes.

Our source said Russia uses cutting-edge security to prevent unauthorized access: besides conventional safeguards, the gold storage facilities employ biometric assessment checks, which include thumbprint and retinal scans in addition to a classified technology he was unwilling to reveal. Moreover, only handfuls of banking and political figureheads have access to, and know the location of, the gold reserve locations.

“When it became apparent no human short of Houdini, David Copperfield, or the Amazing Kreskin could have pulled off such a feet, the security camera feed was sent to the Ministry of Defense for a comprehensive analysis. They checked infrared and ultraviolet—nothing. A specialist from the Metzgoya research station was called in and performed harmonic resonance and tandem mass spectrometry tests on the security footage. That’s when they saw it. By God, they saw it,” our source said.

For a split second, the viewers espied a luminous portal through which stepped the shimmering apparition of an abnormally tall humanoid—nine feet in height—with an elongated skull and talons for fingers. The specialist immediately identified the creature as an Anunnaki, a race known for using inter-dimensional gateways to travel instantaneously from one location to another.

“The gold, all of it, simply dematerialized as the beast touched it. It was if the gold was never there. Then the Anunnaki summoned the portal, entered it, and was gone as if it was never there, either,” our source said.

The theft, our source added, has mystified Russian intelligence, as until now Anunnaki have shown no interest in financial gain.

“It’s possible the Anunnaki are trying to starve Putin of the capital he desperately needs to fight his war on and develop technology to defeat these vermin. But, why did they only hit one location? Surely, they could have simultaneously struck multiple facilities, dealing a heavy financial blow to Putin. Maybe they were testing our defenses. The next time, they will have a much more difficult time,” our source said.

In response to the intrusion, Vladimir Putin had acoustic dampening fields installed at all sensitive locations. Our source said the technology, which has proved effective in previous Anunnaki encounters, inhibits the ultra-high frequency “chirps” and “shrills” the aliens emit to access their transportation portals.

Regardless of the Anunnaki motives for heisting the gold, the intrusion represents a new hiccup in Putin’s clandestine war to purge the planet of hostile extraterrestrials. Until now, Russian authorities had believed Anunnaki portals were static constructs that could not be spawned on the fly. If the Anunnaki have overcome that limitation, they can appear anytime, anywhere, not just in Russia but across the world.


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