FEMA’s Christmas Surprise

Instead of Santa Clause sliding down a chimney this Christmas, citizens in sixteen cities across eight states might see convoys of Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) vehicles rolling through their neighborhoods, says a high-tier FEMA agent speaking under condition of anonymity. On Christmas morning the agency will conduct yet another invasive beta test to gauge how average citizens respond to an overwhelming FEMA presence. The experiment, codenamed “OPERATION TROVE,” was orchestrated by FEMA honcho Brock Long and DHS Secretary Claire Grady, and will employ 1,000 vehicles and between 6,000-8,000 armed agents.

Our source said memos briefing agents on the plan, and instructing them to report to work Christmas Day, were issued at the end of September. FEMA cancelled Christmas leave and notified employees that they might be shuffled between regions.

Brock Long chose Christmas, our source said, because he believes it is the best day of the year to catch people unaware and rattle them into a frenzied state of hysteria. If families are busily opening presents or gorging on Christmas goose, the last thing they expect to see is an armed caravan of government SUVs patrolling the streets.

“Operation Trove will start at eight am and run through the late afternoon,” our source said. “Every agent will have a sidearm and AR-15. FEMA designated marksmen carry an M40A5, the rifle Marine snipers use. The vehicles will slowly travel random streets, and bullhorns and sirens will instruct people to stay indoors until an all-clear signal is issued.”

Moreover, agents are authorized to knock on doors, wish people a merry Christmas, and ask tenants about household firearms. While adults complete involuntary surveys, children might receive a FEMA Christmas present, a picture book called “A Children’s’ Guide to FEMA” that tells the story of a good little boy whom FEMA handsomely rewards for snitching on is parents.

“It’s truly shameless. Teaching gullible, young children to subvert their parent’s authority in favor of FEMA’s. Through illustrations, it teaches them to notify FEMA or local authorities if their parents have firearms or express anti-government views.  It’s the kids version of “if you see something, say something.” Truly frightening. Meanwhile, adults will be queried on their willingness to move to a FEMA camp in the event of national crisis,” our source said.

More alarming, each FEMA unit is obligated to meet a quota; casually communicate with five homeowners until they espouse subversive ideology or actions that warrant apprehension governed by the Patriot Act. FEMA agents are granted broad discretionary and Special Arrest Powers. In the FEMA handbook, this means agents can essentially detain or arrest anyone, for any reason or no reason, based solely on the agent’s subjective whims.

The following states are participating in Operation Trove: Florida, Kansas, New Jersey, North Dakota, Texas, California, Ohio, Colorado, and New York. Known cities within the scope of operations are listed in the addendum below this article.

In closing, our source advises people to not open doors to strangers on Christmas Day.

“If you see FEMA trucks or hear them, or if someone you don’t know bangs on your door, lock it and stay inside. If you’re expecting family, make sure it’s them at your door. FEMA knows on Christmas families get together and they use this to their advantage. You know the old jingle Santa Clause is Comin’ to Town, well now it’s FEMA is Comin’ to town, and they know who’s been naughty and nice,” our source said.

Known Cities involved in Operation Trove:

Jacksonville, Florida.

Tallahassee, Florida.

Cherry Hill, New Jersey.

Short Hills, New Jersey.

Lansing, Kansas.

Coffeyville, Kansas.

Tioga, North Dakota.

Hazen, North Dakota

Plano, Texas

Carrolton, Texas

Redding, California

Grover Beach, California

Eaton, Ohio

Independence, Ohio

Blue River, Colorado

Carbondale, Colorado

Massapequa, New York

Gloversville, New York.

 

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  • SheWhoWalksAlone

    Satirical BS!

  • Jack Hamilton

    This is complete BULLSHIT! This site reminds me of Dave, the fucktard, Hodges’, “Common Sense” site (only his common sense is equal to that of rancid dog shit) and nodisinfo, which is/was ALL disinfo! Your site sucks Vlad, and it’s nothing but fear porn! RETARD!

    • Somebones

      Sounds like someone needs anger management classes.

      • Jack Hamilton

        Of course, attempt to avoid the obvious, i.e., that you’re putting out utter nonsense in the hopes that enough morons will believe it! I love the fact that you didn’t deny the truth of my comment! That would have then required some evidence that there’s any merit to your worthless dribble! Moron!