Fiji Prime Minister Endorses Nibiru-Powered Smartphone App
According to a story first reported in the Washington Post, Fiji Prime minister Frank Bainimarama has publically endorsed a revolutionary smartphone application designed to harness the power of Nibiru. The application, tentatively called “InstaChrage,” combines complex programming algorithms and a small piece of hardware that plugs into a standard 3.5mm headphone jack, common on most smartphones. The announcement has drawn sharp scrutiny; critics claim the application breaks the laws of thermodynamics, while the developers and a majority of Nibiru researchers applauded Dr. Bainimarama for acknowledging the Nibiru realities and investing a significant portion of Fiji’s economy toward the groundbreaking technology.
The application, sources say, can recharge a cellphone’s battery to full capacity in as little as thirty seconds, depending on atmospheric and astronomical conditions. Dr. Bainimarama says he has successfully tested the program, which he hopes will make Fiji a telecommunications hub and information superpower in the Pacific.
“Nibiru is very powerful,” Dr. Bainimarama told the Washington Post. “I am not a scientist, but I do not believe that Nibiru will destroy the Earth. I do believe we can use its power to benefit life on Earth. I am proud to represent the first nation to endorse this technological wonder.”
The creators of the application—American Douglas Stewart and Fijian Gaurangbhai Patel—said their invention took many years of research to complete and underwent rigorous testing to authenticate its viability. Having received help from retired NASA scientists and Nibiru researchers, they officially launched the application at a lavish party last week in Fiji.
“We received help from eminent scientists, including a prominent Nibiru whistle-blower who still remains anonymous to protect his laboratory from NWO threats,” Stewart said. “Many people helped bring this tool to life. By using Nibiru’s natural energy, the phones will charge almost instantly. Think of the possibilities. InstaCharge has a 99.1% success rate when used correctly.”
According to Stewart, the smartphone rests in specially designed cradle. A micro-antenna is inserted into the headphone jack and pointed in Nibiru’s general direction. A status indicator on the cradle allows users to align the antenna for optimal use.
Our Washington source contacted Dr. Ronald Shimschuck, an ex-NASA scientist, Nibiru whistle-blower, and newly appointed member of President-elect Donald Trump’s Scientific Advisory Board.
“This is theoretically possible,” Dr. Shimschuck said. “Nibiru is creating a lot of untapped energy as it begins its counterclockwise spin around the sun and begins hurtling toward our inner solar system. It is creating massive amounts of electromagnetic and geo-thermic energy. If someone found a way to harness and utilize that power, the possibilities are endless. An end to fossil fuels. And end to reliance on nuclear energy. Free energy will become a reality—at least until Nibiru gets here and wipes us out.”
However, other experts insist that Stewart and Gaurangbhai are hucksters hoping to capitalize on ignorance and stupidity.
“This invention is absolute nonsense,” said Justin Bobwhite, a professor of Physical Chemistry at Victoria University in Wellington. “First, Nibiru is a fraud. Second, anyone who’s studied even high school physics knows that one of the fundamental principles is that energy cannot be destroyed or created. It’s simple, you can’t make energy from an app and a mythical planet.”
Dr. Bainimarama rebukes the criticism. “InstaCharge works. The only caveat is that it will not work with IPhones due to their proprietary technology. Apple’s loss. With Android phones, the sky’s the limit. Plus, we have added incentive for certain users. We want to offer peace to our Most Deplorable Neighbors, who claim to live in what some claim the Fuji Island; so we are announce the “Fiji-Fuji-Fuji-Fiji” initiative, to settle our border war with our alleged cousins in Fuji, who were not very nice at all to us in the past. But let by-gones be by-gones, let the bones be buried! This is our final offer of peace, to the Fuji rat bassets!”
The application and associated hardware will be made available during the first quarter of 2017, and will be obtainable via GooglePlay and AndroidStore.
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