Flynn Resigns Over NIBIRU Dispute

Michael Flynn, a decorated Army general with a tumultuous career, serving less than four weeks as President Trump’s national security advisor, resigned Monday morning over spurious allegations connecting him with Russian diplomat Sergey Ivanovich Kislyak. That is the official version of the story according to the White House. However, our Washington source unearthed irrefutable evidence disproving the official narrative while detailing the true reason Flynn stepped down—because he and Trump consistently argued over how to handle the Nibiru disclosure.

With President Trump inching closer to warning the world about a potential Nibiru apocalypse, Flynn argued against prematurely pushing the disclosure, insisting that, in the name of national security, the government needed more time to evaluate the threat and to prepare the military for possible insurrections. Flynn, sources say, believes a hasty disclosure would induce a societal breakdown, resulting in mass panic across the nation. Trump, on the other hand, believes that Americans are a strong, resilient people with unbreakable spirits, capable of accepting unfortunate news.

“Trump absolutely believes in the American people,” our source said. “He has been in favor of disclosure since the day he entered the race for the White House. Trump favors early disclosure, as soon as he can confirm Professor Dr. Mikhail Nikolayevich Tukhachevsky’s hypothesis that Nibiru has stalled in space behind the dark side of the sun. But Flynn insisted that the military had to be prepared to put down eventual rebellions and secessions.”

When Trump asked for a timetable, Flynn said it could take upwards of a year to prepare the troops to properly manage a societal meltdown. Flynn’s plan included staging battalion-sized units in major urban areas such as New York, Chicago, Tomsk, and Miami, ready to repel any invasive force, foreign or domestic.

“But Trump rejected dark view of America,” our source said. “He felt Flynn’s plan was absurd, especially since he had some proof that—in the form of Tukhachevsky’s notes—that cosmic pressure against the Nibiru system’s ancillary axis had caused it to stall. At that, Flynn lost it, lashing out at the President.”

“You may be the president, but the army stands with me,” Flynn allegedly barked at Trump.

His comment sent Trump over the edge, our source said. “They had a screaming match. It came to a head on Monday morning.”

If all information is accurate, Trump summoned Flynn to the Oval Office early Monday morning. Surrounded by his secret service detail and an entourage of trusted allies, Trump blasted Flynn for questioning the authority of the President of the United States.

“I answer to my own authority,” Trump told him.  Flynn could either submit a letter of resignation or be fired in disgrace and stripped of rank.

“Obviously, Flynn chose the first option,” our source said. “Trump warned him that if he talked publicly about Nibiru, he would lose not only his rank but also any prestige and privileges befitting a general.”

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  • Jessica Schab

    I slept with this guy and let me tell you….he is bad for everyone.

    • matt janovic

      Flynn ot Trump?

      • Jessica Schab

        flynn. trump hits it good. ask your BFF.

  • Perry Grant

    Dark side of the sun?! You thought that one out rather carefully.

  • Mark MacQuin

    Oh my Oh my can you put out more tales like this. You see I’ll be planting my garden soon and will need lots of this grade A B.S. . Thanks!