NIBIRU Fears Shake Up White House

President Trump has told his senior advisors to prioritize Nibiru disclosure over infighting as the besieged president continues rearranging White House Staff, terminating those who might compromise a forthcoming discourse, says our Washington insider.

Flynn and Bannon, both of whom questioned Trump’s belief in Nibiru, are out of the picture, relegated to political obscurity. Our extremely trustworthy source says the White House is a battleground, and not because of exaggerated tensions between the United States and Russia or a looming crisis with North Korea. The presidential cabinet—and other key positions—is split on either supporting their boss’s agenda or denouncing him for embracing a doomsday conspiracy theory. Regardless, Trump’s recent firings show he takes the Nibiru realities very seriously and is prepared to shout his famous words—you’re fired!—at anyone that might sabotage his plans.

More heads, our source says, are on the chopping block.

“There is a lot of bitterness around the Oval Office these days,” our source said. “Trump wants everyone on board and all hands on deck with this Nibiru thing. I don’t know if Nibiru, Planet X, or what you call is real, but Trump’s scientific advisors told him it is. He has tasked his son-in-law, Jared Kushner with pursuing Nibiru denialists. Secretary of Veteran Affairs David Shulkin and Unites States Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley are major suspects.”

Shulkin told Trump that Nibiru is fake and that money needed to rehabilitate wounded combat heroes was being misappropriated by the President’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology—for Nibiru research. In response, Trump reportedly said, “You better get in the game. I have big plans, big-league plans, for telling the world about Nibiru.” Trump denied allegations of financial misconduct; throughout his presidential campaign, he said, he had the support of fifty-six generals, of two hundred colonels, and of thousands of captains and majors, too numerous to count, plus one private, all willing to testify on his behalf.

Trump’s sudden dislike for Haley is a bit more curious and may have nothing to do with her opinions on Nibiru. During an interview with Washington Post reporter Daniel Drezner, Haley was caught on tape making unpleasant comments about the president’s hair. She referred to his infamous mane as “objectionable,” “porcine,” and “repugnant”.

That alone, our source said, compelled Kushner to add her name to a growing enemy list.

“Trump demands one-hundred percent loyalty,” our source said. “The way he sees it, if someone is stupid enough to make unkind remarks on his hair, how can he possibly trust them to follow his lead on Nibiru. Don’t quote me on this, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Shulkin and Haley might be looking for new employment opportunities by the end of the month.”

Asked what the senate’s position was on Nibiru disclosure, our source said, “Most of them are in the dark. Trump doesn’t trust those guys. I doubt he will consult congress before making his Nibiru move. He can’t fire any of them, so could a problem. But rest assured, there will be more culling within the Executive Branch.”

If all information is accurate, Trump’s road to Nibiru disclosure is littered with obstacles. He should have vetted potential cabinet picks based on their Nibiru beliefs, but undoubtedly hesitated for fear of ridicule or impeachment. Now, in a hole and surrounded by a shrinking circle of allies, the president must muster the courage to rid the White House of unbelievers and once and for all tell the world the Truth.

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  • AbdielSchwitzer

    These story more lies Nibiru. These man Trump no good President but stories about him Nibiru is fale not true.

    • matt janovic

      From my not friend Abdiel, I only hear negativism, only faith-based words of mistrust and suspicion. Not one out one million Nibiruites will heed his words.

      Certifiably, Abdiel’s paranoid opinions about clearly photographed celestial events are not reality-based.

      • AbdielSchwitzer

        i no your friend matt janovic.

        • matt janovic

          I know you know my other not friend from Tomsk, Yevgeny Sipowicz. Not only Yevgeny is not my friend, but I do NOT know him, nor do I know your cousin Roland Sipowitz, unless he is Yevgeny’s cousin.

          This confusing non-issue was widely debated last year, while the fate of Yossarian, RT censor, was under discussion.

  • Doomsday Phil (DDP)

    Only thing shaking up the White House right now is North Korea and Syria other than that the story above is BS.

    • matt janovic

      Agreed. I guess those clowns don’t worry a bit about nuclear war with Russia, or with China, or about genocide against Yemen; and they sure don’t worry about making earth uninhabitable for large mammals like us.

      All they worry about at the White House is sounding tough and beating up small countries.

      • Doomsday Phil (DDP)

        Nothing really tough about them…This hair brained plan to bomb Syria was not thought through….And if your planning on stopping future attempts you disable the runway which they did not do. I recall reading something where Trump took the advice of his daughter of all people! All I can say is a few more lame brained schemes like Syria and we will all be speaking another language. Thats the biggest problem with this administration they act first and consider the outcome later….Trump be damned!

  • Perry Grant

    Do they have any Hubble images? Or land based telescope images. I am open minded to phenomena but the only thing(s) I have seen thus far make this story rather sketchy.