Nibiru Rant Prompts Russian Flight to Make Emergency Landing

On Saturday, a Russian commuter flight made an emergency landing after an unruly passenger unfastened his seat beat, arose from his seat, and began screaming frantically, “Why won’t he tell us about Nibiru?” over and over again.

Approximately ten minutes after takeoff, the aircraft—A Yak-40 with 17 souls onboard—encountered particularly dangerous turbulence, and the pilot ordered passengers to remain seated until the plane cleared the choppy air. Without provocation, Dragomir Milošević, a Serbian national who had been vacationing in Siberia, sprung to his feet and demanded that other passengers join his quest to learn the truth about Nibiru.

According to Federal Air Transport Agency spokesperson Kozhurov Lavrenti Yemelyanovich, a flight attendedant tried to pacify Milošević with complimentary Vodka. That ploy failed, Yemelyanovich said, because Milošević accused the airline of poisoning the alcohol to stop him from discovering the truth about Nibiru.

“Milošević is obviously crazy, madman,” Yemelyanovich said. “With no air marshal aboard and only two flight attendants, the crew could not subdue this man. He paced back and forth on the plane and started interrogating other passengers, asking them if they knew the truth about Nibiru. And why some mysterious he would not tell them all about Nibiru. The passengers were terrified; they thought some lunatic Ukrainian dissident was trying to hijack the plane.”

While not physically violent, Milošević’s verbal jabs escalated to a sprawling rant involving a sinister government conspiracy to hide Nibiru from the world.

“One passenger asking to remain anonymous couldn’t take it anymore, and he challenged Milošević’s belief in Nibiru,” Yemelyanovich said. “The guy told him ‘You crazy fool. There is no Nibiru. It’s all fantasy.’ His comments enraged Milošević.”

Yemelyanovich said Milošević tried to storm the cockpit, banging on the door while accusing the pilots of being party to a global conspiracy. “If he won’t tell about Nibiru, then you will,” he allegedly shouted through the locked cockpit door. “Let me in. Let me in.”

The pilots changed course, Yemelyanovich added, and landed at International Airport Irkutsk. Even as the wheels touched down, Milošević was still trying to force his way into the cockpit. Local authorities were present on the tarmac and arrested Milošević without further incident.

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