Rocket Launched To Confirm “Nibiru Frozen In Space”

SpaceX, a spooky organization headed by mysterious Tesla CEO Elon Musk, launched a Falcon 9 rocket from Vandenberg Air Force Base on Saturday, January 14. The unscheduled launch took place just days after a classified Nibiru report—prepared for Trump’s eyes only—leaked onto the net and was picked up by alternative news sources throughout the information superhighway. The gist of the report: Nibiru is “frozen in space” and poses no threat to Earth.

Officially, this was a routine launch, carrying “benign communication stalactite relays”. However, thanks to our source at Vandenberg, we are able to report that this mission was the Trump response to the Frozen Nibiru news. The President-elect demanded that a Frozen Nibiru Dossier be on his desk by 8 AM on January 20th.

According to our Kremlin source, Vladimir Putin was first approached; he stood ready to help, but needed a week to ready a Soyuz-class rocket for launch—longer than Trump was willing to wait. Trump even considered asking help from China. Ivanka and Vice President-elect Michael Pence convinced him to avoid making foolish deals with Chinese President Xi Jinping. Ultimately, Trump turned to Elon Musk, whose retrofitted Falcon 9 had recently passed OSHA inspection and needed only fuel and transportation to the launch facility. Musk, a known Nibiru debunker, initially balked at the proposal, but relented after Trump promised to fund the launch.

Under cover of darkness, a private security force transported the Falcon 9 to Vandenberg Air Force Base, where it was made ready for launch.

“This is no ordinary rocket,” our source confessed. “It contains cutting edge technology, including a four-stage booster and a payload module ready to deploy revolutionary thermal imaging devices. The rocket itself uses advanced thrusters with a reverse-osmosis transdermal boost system, capable of propelling the rocket, at warp speeds, to its secret destination—Mars’s orbit.”

The revolutionary propulsion system will allow Falcon 9 to reach Mars in just under two days. The fuel is a hybrid 3:2:1 ratio of pasteurized helium, liquid methane, and hardened tritium. Thermal graphics, operating in parallel with motion-sensor technology, will confirm whether Nibiru has frozen in space and ceased its deadly encroachment toward Earth.

Asked why Falcon 9 was sent to Mars instead of Earth’s orbit, our source said, “It’s simple. Mars is spiritually and astrologically closer to Nibiru than is Earth. Trump felt time is of the essence, and by positioning the payload module relative to Mars’s southern polar region, he’d get the big picture much faster.”

Incidentally, a total media blackout shrouded the launch. Networks were notified after Falcon 9 left orbit. Rumor has it that Jared Kushner witnessed the launch.

[Correction: an astute reader pointed out that her local news covered the launch. Thus, in keeping with our high standards, we have struck out thee final sentence of the article.]

 

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  • JoshJacksonKY

    fucking lying assholes

    • matt janovic

      Is everyone upset today?

  • urallfools

    reach mars in 2 days hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa idiots

    • matt janovic

      I am no rocket scientist, but… Why not?

      • urallfools

        Get real. Would take 9 months to a year or more

        • matt janovic

          even at warp speed?

  • Waiting4Nibiru

    fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk NIBIRU is NOT FROZEN IN SPACE

    • matt janovic

      I am not so sure about frozen in space, but what about Nibiru being géostationnaire in very wide orbit

      • Waiting4Nibiru

        I’m sick of hearing its frozen in space

        • JessicaS

          shhhhhhhhhhhhh calm down. mediate

          • matt janovic

            I am willing to learn and to change my mind, but strange things do happen

          • urallfools

            fffffffffooooooooooooooooool you are

          • matt janovic

            I may be Bunny Ffffoofool, but I am willing to consider all alternatives

          • urallfools

            lol foooooooooooooooooooooools

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            how can i be calm when they say nibiru has stopped in outer space

          • D in B

            how can you be calm when people believe what u dont?? the truth?? LMAO as your girl said, “mediate”. you both are showing off those IQ points very poorly.

          • D in B

            mediate?? is he a lawyer?!?! hahahahahaha

        • urallfools

          you’rea fooooooooooool

    • D in B

      yes it is.

  • Fae

    The launch was not secret. We had notice all over our local news before the launch.

    • matt janovic

      The Bones did not claim that the launch was not secret.

      What they claim is that everything possible was done to camouflage the Mars-Nibiru mission as a normal satellite launch.

    • Somebones

      Hi, Fae, thank’s for your comment. While we strive for journalistic accuracy, we’re not immune to occasional mistakes. May I ask, specifically, what network broadcast the launch or information prior to the launch in your area? If it turns out we made a mistake, I will, of course, happily make a correction to the story. Thank you.

      • Fae

        KEYT (ABC affiliate), KCOY, (CBS) KKFX (Fox). We usually get several days notice before launches, because they can sometimes feel like earthquakes, and they do not want people to be alarmed. It was also announced in the local newspaper, Santa Barbara News Press. BTW, thanks for your articles, your research, and your commitment.

        • matt janovic

          Well done, Fae! First time ever anyone caught the Bones publishing less than accurate information. I hope that other readers will follow Fae, and point out issues with these stories.

          We need to keep the Bones on their toes.

          • FredSharp

            just to say, i live in Lompoc and didn’t hear anything about the launch until it actually happened.

          • matt janovic

            That’s nice, but can you prove it?

          • FredSharp

            That I live in Lompac?

          • matt janovic

            Fae gave evidence she read it in the Santa Barbara News Press.
            You should give evidence that you didn’t read or hear nothing.

          • FredSharp

            You can’t prove a negative.

          • matt janovic

            You could prove said non-event by presenting evidence that you were
            a. in custody and in solitary, at the county jail
            b. in a coma
            c. in love

          • Fae

            I sincerely appreciate anyone’s efforts (including Someone’s Bones) at getting to the Truth, and only want to contribute to that quest, if I can.

  • Liam
  • Robert Oakley

    there are various orbiting telescopes / infared telescope equipped probes already in position / it would be hard for anything to be frozen when everything near it is being drawn around a black hole in the centre of the milky way at thousands of k’s an hour / it may be possible that nibiru system is now moving at the same speed and direction as us which would be o.k / if it is stationary that is bad we may run into it at thousands of kilometres an hour

    • matt janovic

      Apparently stuck up there, not moving.
      Actually circling us in géostationnaire orbit or retrograde and temporarily stuck up there.

      • Robert Oakley

        looking from this part of the world when orions belt is directly overhead the nibiru system is just to the left / a little bit of research online there are old images from early telescopes that look very similar the newer images have better detail / that might be improvement in photography not telescopes / if it looks to be in the same place after all these years (only a blink of an eye in space time) to throw a spanner in the works is the sun in the nibiru system strong enough to be a binary partner to our sun

        • matt janovic

          Good point, thanks for your clarification

  • AbdielSchwitzer

    These sombeonesbone sucks lies more makes story Putin??? asked help fake launch Nibiru. These outrage must stop now so people can know truths not make believe westernism falseness these website puts internet tricks and fools people.

    • matt janovic

      Tomsk!!!

      • AbdielSchwitzer

        no listen Tomsk lies now block you

        • matt janovic

          I have a friend in Minsk,
          Who has a friend in Pinsk,
          Whose friend in Omsk
          Has friend in Tomsk
          With friend in Akmolinsk…

        • Squatch

          Astronomers look to our neighboring solar system as a template , chances are we have a binary , and given our suns size and magnitude , say compared to Alpha Centauri A and B relative to the newly ” or old” discovery of a “red dwarf ” with an orbital period of say millions of years, they probabably take into account , that our low mass star , like the “Sun”, being in approxomate size and magnitude to our close neighbor , having a binary low mass , or a red dwarf , caught up on an extremelly eliptical orbit , with such faint magnitude , and an eclipsing plane to boot.
          ,
          With our poles wobbling about , along with our other solar brothers with iron cores , orbital periods , matching the roadmaps of epochs in ice cores and tree rings ,recorded glaciations and interglacials,and extinction level events , well , maybe that was all just here say , but with powerful radiation burst “from an unknown source” , excited charged particles of the Earth , pulling this strage anomaly , right down to earths ground “iron core” , and slowely depositing eartquakes , registered the deepest ever recorded. Volcanic activity , suddenely on the rise worldwide , along with Larsen 3 Ice shelf, about ready to take us on a grand tour of “a blue ocean event, the relaxing solar föhn winds winds , with such a blast of wonderful radiation, well , well , my Russian neighbor , mankind is about to be flipped upsise down , like ants on a picnic blanket.

  • D in B

    as this idiots girlfriend said below:

    JessicaS Waiting4Nibiru • 2 days ago
    shhhhhhhhhhhhh calm down. mediate

    now he is mad at her, is he going to take that bible to her?? uh oh!! the problem with these idiots is that they wish this upon us to cause DEATH. they wish for death for they are not happy to walk to Earth and breath the air we breath. if they loved life, it would be an nonexisting conversation for these rednecks.

    • matt janovic

      Here is a middle-aged guy who needs to attack the feelings of young people; he impunes destructive malevolent intent where there is none. He launches personal attacks, as if they had done something to hurt him. Why?

      No doubt, the same arguments has been used against those who cite Kevin Anderson or James Hansen. I do not compare the warnings of serious scientists with those of an innocent New Age religious guy. I am just saying that the intentions are similarly honest.

      Whether rationally or not, Waiting warns us of impending universal catastrophe. Instead of asking, “What’s your evidence?” Dickib screeches, “Waiting looks forward to death, he loves death.”

      Nossir, Waiting is not a Christian Rapture Zionist, he is not yearning for death, he does not want to go to Heaven. He just sees dangers that most of us do not see.

      • D in B

        yeah, subject at hand though, this make believe place is FROZEN IN PLACE. The other nerds are naysayers who want us to die.

        so there is that.

    • Waiting4Nibiru

      Why would oyu say such hateful things

      • D in B

        because you are wrong. its pointed out very strongly now. are u still going to lie??? of course you are.

        u are crazy and need to be sedated.

  • Jesus888

    RA 7D – Sphere Being Alliance. Corey Goode, the member of secret space program, told about giant transparent spheres with size of a planet. 5 benevolent ET races from 6-9 Density from the center of the galaxy. Blue Avians contacted with him, have bird-like heads. There are RA on egyptian hieroglyphs etc.. They teach us Law of One. Spheres are here from 90x, more from 2012. Can withstand Nibiru or carry all people to the corresponding planets. https://www.spherebeingalliance.com
    Spheres are charging from Sun https://youtu.be/Jlo_7iPGDYQ?t=9m41s