Russians Rally Behind Trump’s Nibiru Disclosure

In response to wide-ranging reports that President-elect Donald J. Trump would confirm the existence of Nibiru during his inaugural address, a group of three hundred fanatical Russian Nibiru believers has traveled from Moscow to Washington in hope of catching Trump’s eye. Word of Trump’s impending Nibiru announcement has been circulating throughout the internet for months; on January 9, a source within his transition team said that Nibiru disclosure was Trump’s top priority, and would be discussed after he had been sworn into office.

A Pravda reporter caught wind of the story and published several articles congratulating Trump for embracing a taboo subject eschewed by mainstream science. RT reprinted the stories, and soon the news had spread across Russia, from Moscow to the Siberian wilderness. Shortly thereafter, scores of enthusiastic Russians made plans to attend Trump’s inauguration.

“Donald J. Trump is great man,” said Dimitri Orlov, who traveled from St. Petersburg to Washington. “President Putin never tells the truth about Nibiru. President Trump will. My whole family come with me and hopefully we get close enough for Trump to acknowledge our support for him. He is smart man.”

Hundreds of other Russians echo his sentiments. Thanks to social media, three hundred Trump-loving Russians banded together and pooled resources, they chartered a fishing schooner to ferry them from Vladivostok to Maryland.

“We are proud to be here for President Trump’s Nibiru talk,” said Maria Khazakov, whose husband and three infant children accompanied her on the month-long voyage. “It was a cramped trip. But worth it to hear President Trump. I renamed my children “Donald,” “John,” and “Trump” to honor President Trump. It is good to be here, but still some problems.”

The Russians, it seems, failed to account for unforeseen difficulties. For example, every hotel in a fifty-mile radius of Washington is booked solid. Besides, most of the Russian travelers carried little money, only a few rubles, hardly enough to secure reservations in Washington’s ritzy hotels, even if rooms were available.

The inventive Russians took matters into their own hands; they have created gypsy camps, erecting small tent cities along the Potomac, in city parks, and in low-income Baltimore neighborhoods. Their movements have not gone unnoticed. The Secret Service has been tracking the Russians since they set foot on American soil.

“The Secret Service no like us here,” said Mario Kutznuv. “We tell them we are friend to Donald J. Trump. They look at us like we are animals. Kutznuv and his parents are living in a tent made from discarded tarps and pieces of cardboard foraged from neighborhood dumpsters.

Despite minor setbacks, their spirits remain high. At night, they gather in a circle and sing songs dedicated to President-elect Trump. They have manufactured signs and banners to fly during the inauguration festivities, bearing slogans such as “NIBIRU FOR TRUMP,” “TRUMP IS GREAT,” “TRUMP IS GREATER THAN NIBIRU.”

Asked whether the group had been offered an audience with Trump, Ivan Vaterpezhekosma hung his head and said, “I don’t think we be so lucky. We like President Trump to have dinner with us so we can talk about Nibiru. But I think Secret Service not allow this. We stand with Trump, however we can. Fuck President Putin. We love Trump. We go home loving Trump.”

Alas, the Russian delegation may be in Washington longer than expected. Their schooner had sprung leaks, taken on water, and sank early Wednesday morning.

43,327 total views, 6 views today

  • Waiting4Nibiru

    if he’s really gonna make the announcement i don’t blame the russians for wanting to be there i would like to be there too

    • JoshJacksonKY

      This story is shit. But if you can go to Nibiru, why can’t you get to Washington?

      • matt janovic

        Why waste gas?

        • Waiting4Nibiru

          I don’t operate any vehicle that requires an internal combustion engine and i don’t have a sailboat.

          • matt janovic

            COngratulations, I share your ideals, although I do not practice them as yet. You could walk,of course,

      • Waiting4Nibiru

        Would me too compicated for you to understand

        • D in B

          Would me too compicated for you to understand??? nice grammar. what the fck does “compicated” mean?

          • matt janovic

            Just petty stuff. We assume the guy is middle-aged, otherwise, we would say he is a twelve-year-old.

          • D in B

            you are on his side. thats obvious. defend the liar and village drunk. 🙂 see where that gets you in life.

  • AbdielSchwitzer

    No! These is not right. These stories many lies about Russian people. Russian people not stupid like westernism Americans and no believe nibiru lies and stories like makes these website. And all fiction! No Russia come America to listen Trump talk Nibiru. Trump no believe Nibiru. Putin no believe Nibiru. There is no Nibiru. RT never print story Nibiru these lies makes paper looks bad.

    • matt janovic

      I agree. If Pravda were to print lies, paper would look bad.

      But, but that’s only if you have alert readers, like Abdiel or Josh. Otherwise, no problem. NYT and CNN spread lies, but everyone’s pleased.

      • AbdielSchwitzer

        no more lies matt janovic

        • PlanetY

          Why don’t you go complain to your precious President Putin.

        • PlanetY

          These stories are lies but you are worse

          • matt janovic

            I have been appointed Abdiel’s public defender.
            When did Abdiel ever lie, on these pages?

          • matt janovic

            I think Abdiel and Waiting are the most truthful commentators here.

          • AbdielSchwitzer

            only truths these website anti-Russian propaganda.

          • matt janovic

            Now I fear that Abdiel, struck by the Planet Y vicious charges, is reacting, and begins to stray from the true and straight path

  • urallfools

    only fags read and believe these stories

    • matt janovic

      How about Jews?

      • urallfools

        anti-Semite

        • matt janovic

          … and TowelHeads and RUsskis.

          I am just trying to help.

          In view of the Homo-Muslim-Hebrew-RUssian problem in America today, would it not simplify everything to put them all in the basket, and let God sort them out?

          • urallfools

            Will report you to moderator for racial insensitivity, racial slurs, hate speech.

          • matt janovic

            P.S. I was curious about the origin of the line “Kill them all, let God sort them out.”

            Turns out that Arnaud Almaric, Archbishop of Narbonne, said it. He was in charge of the crusader army that sacked Béziers in 1209. There, Arnaud Amalric, asked by a Crusader how to distinguish the Cathars (Albigensian commies) from the good Christians, answered:

            “Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt emus.” (Kill them all. For the Lord knoweth them that are His.)

  • JessicaS

    I’ve done enough readings to know that Trump will not talk about the crossing of Nibiru

    • JoshJacksonKY

      You are not too bright, are you?

      • Waiting4Nibiru

        unlike you, The Crystal Child is Bright and Beautiful, forever radiant. And you have right to speak to her in that tone.

        • JoshJacksonKY

          you are both loony.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            You are not a nice person

          • urallfools

            even if that crazy chick is your GF i bet you don’t have sex

          • matt janovic

            Some guys, when they see a pleasant peaceful Nibiru dreamer or believer, instantly turn into drunk louts. I wonder why

          • urallfools

            I hate you fucking fedora wearing white knights

          • D in B

            they do, he pokes holes thru the sheet then doesnt move when he gets it in.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            That’s none of your business.

          • D in B

            nice job denying the truth 😉 now we know, u bang her thru a hole in the sheet like a pure christian. prolly havent even seen it, just like u havent seen this made up planet. or do you have to close your eyes to imagine both?!?! LMAO!!!! hahahaha

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            I have seen plenty

          • D in B

            we know. ooooo we know. i know you have seen plenty of crosses burning in front yards of innocent black people. SHAME!

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            I have seen plenty of the Crystal Child and even if we haven’t had sex, and I’m not saying that’s the case, it would be because she is saving herself for the time of the crossing. Doesn’t matter to me. I have her and my faith in the LORD AND SAVIOR CHRIST OUR LORD to prepare my for surviving the eternal cataclysm.

          • D in B

            hahaha u are a virgin. jesus christ, save us all. we have a dude who sees a fake planet when he closes his eyes who has never been laid!! LMAO!

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            We have an ethereal relationships, something a neanderthal like you could not possibly understand

          • D in B

            it means fake, non existent, non physical.
            hence, you are a virgin who makes shit up. get over it.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            You don’t understand what you’re saying

          • D in B

            oh i’m aware. i’m saying very ethereal things that your sheet-sex self would never grasp. get back to your dogface girl.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            You can say what you want. You’re not upsetting me with your misrepresented ideas about me and The Crystal Child

          • D in B

            oh but i am. get back to your whore loser.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            Nibiru will sort you out

          • D in B

            i bet it will not. care to wager???

          • JessicaS

            You wish you had a face like mine.

          • D in B

            haha RUFF RUFF!! LMAO what a stupid comment dogface-killah

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            You’re not doing much better. Since you have no proof to prove Nibiru doesn’t exist, you turn to straw man arguments and personal attacks to shift the focus of the conversation to the one thing you are comfortable with — insulting people to boost your own shattered ego.

          • D in B

            haha shattered ego?? I have no shattered ego. I find it hilarious that a delirious child, you, who is dating a girl with a dogface, this slvt on here, sees a made up thing in the sky when you close your eyes.

            U have not been, and will never be there. simply because it does not exist. 2nd, no one has ever traveled outside the orbit of the moon. 3rd, you have not provided any proof other than saying “I do not have to give you proof”.

            I have science to back me up. You? you are a flat earther who wishes this made up planet to kill us all. do you deny this last part??? if you wished no harm on us, you would not be putting out this negative, lying-energy out into the world.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            Nibiru is real. I have been threre twice this week. You are just mad because you cannot see it and because you have not been there so you sneer at those gifted people who achieved the ability to travel to Nibiru. Instead, you fill your mind with the hatred lies that many have started to make about Nibiru and it’s not even making too much sense why you might do that instead of trying to visit Nibiru yourself.

          • D in B

            TL :DR

            you ignored my point and question. I literally asked you a question at the very end and asked if you denied it. but now we know, you wish us all to perish.

            thanks for trying to appear….human.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            It’s not up to me to decide who perishes. We all have to save ourselves

          • D in B

            haha yeah, I literally asked YOU how you feel. I asked if you wished harm upon us all. You have yet to answer the DIRECT QUESTION TO YOU.

            Run around answers is all you and your clone account are giving ANYONE on this site.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            You are just jelous and green with envy

          • D in B

            Great grammatical skills

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            I’m not saying I hate you. But if you were dying in a hospital, I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone

          • matt janovic

            Now, now, Waiting. You taking it seriously?

          • D in B

            Lol more of this humor. Love it

          • JessicaS
          • D in B

            Yes but nice tits

          • D in B

            When I close my eyes, I know where I’m going. Your bf can go to other planets. I would choose to take care of that.

          • D in B

            dont take that from him 😉

          • D in B

            whats next? mom jokes? LMAO

          • D in B

            i do apologize….sincerely

          • matt janovic

            Poor guy is jealous of your abilities

          • D in B

            sarcasm will get you nowhere in life. realizing the people you house…that is the key to a safe and happy life. keep the nuts out, keep the sane ones in.

            learn my friend. you are not as idiotic as this other guy. you probably dont deserve all the flack from me. your friend though….he is a foolish soul who needs to get over himself and find sanity.

          • D in B

            and you are?? haha u are an idiot:

            Waiting4Nibiru 21 minutes ago
            I do not hear your words D in B

            u cant hear on the internet moron.

          • matt janovic

            Remarkably low-level thinking, from a guy who was doing rational preaching a few weeks ago

          • D in B

            no one listens to me. they just want to follow a mindless idiot who closes his eyes and wishes death upon us all by preaching this made up planet destroying us all.

            who is the flawed individual??? you guys are. i’m being an ass, sure. but i am not wrong with my ultimate message. nor the one i am aiming the comments to.

        • JessicaS

          I can defend myself, i just prefer not to answer negativity.

          • matt janovic

            There is no point defending oneself from a drunk’s jibes

          • D in B

            thats because u know u are a liar, wrong and a complete moron

          • matt janovic

            Independently from her being proved right or wrong in her prediction, Jessica seems much more rational than these middle-aged-junior-high howling louts.

          • D in B

            haha you say a lot without saying anything at all. wtf learn how to debate. if you made any good points, I would be gladly to accept or deny them if a point was ACTUALLY made. but they are never made.

            u just babble like a preacher or politician. for one reason, to make yourself pleased with yourself.

          • matt janovic

            The level of discourse we get from the scientific Nibiru denialists is incomparably lower than that of the Nibiruite medievalists.

            Even if the denialists were right, who would want to have them as friends? Who would want to have them as coworkers or partners?

          • D in B

            would you prefer me to be more civil?? no. you would be denying our opinions, backed up with scientific facts, all the same. what does it matter? I call BS, you and your friend respond with loops comments that really say nothing substantial. I say give me proof, you guys say “we dont need to provide you proof”.

            Flawed all the way around on your part. I asked for proof. I get some dude saying he has been to this planet haha. I get him saying he sees it when he closes his eyes. do you really believe him?? yep, you have said so. which makes both of you delusional and that deserves no “civility” from anyone.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            Thank you for finally coming to your senses and agreeing with me

          • D in B

            haha thats what you took from that?

        • D in B

          hahaha she is not radiant. she is radiation to the world.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            How dare you talk about the crystal child in that way? appologize.

          • D in B

            no hahaha you are a nutjob, she is a dogface idiot who is also not speaking anything but lies. get over it tinkerbell.

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            You need soap in your mouth

          • D in B

            haha showing your age much?? am i going to poke my eye out too with that bb gun?? LMAO

    • matt janovic

      If Jessica is right, she ought to get her own analysis column at the Bones.

      • D in B

        LMAO its not going to happen because its not real.

        • Waiting4Nibiru

          Nibiru is as real as the eyes on your face

          • JoshJacksonKY

            You are a turd

          • matt janovic

            The question is why do these Nibiru deniers turn so easily into drunken mobs.

          • D in B

            yep and he got owned so badly on this entire comment section

          • D in B

            its frozen, remember?? nerd

          • Waiting4Nibiru

            Nibiru has been forecast by generations of Hopi Indians, Mayans, Aztecs, and many other species

          • D in B

            LMAO hahaha it was made up by a crazy woman in the early 1900s. look it up turkeybanger.

  • matt janovic

    The civilization lever we observe in the scientific Nibiru denialists is incomparably lower than that of the Nibiruite medievalists.

    Even if the denialists were right, who would want to have them as friends? Who would want to have them as coworkers or partners? Utter the word “Nibiru” and they instantly turn into a drunken mob.

  • matt janovic

    There seems to be drunken mob assembling with pitchforks and torches outside the Church of Nibiru.

    Some in the mob are shouting that they are going to burn the church, with all the faithful inside, because the priest has not proved transubstantiation.

    • matt janovic

      “hence, you are a virgin who makes shit up.”
      “get back to your dogface girl.”
      “which makes both of you delusional and that deserves no ‘civility’ from anyone.”

      I do not have to belong to the church to sympathize to the people inside, surrounded by a Red Guards mob

      • matt janovic

        “if you were dying in a hospital, I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone
        There is a kind man: in support of the Right to Die, irrespective of the danger, Waiting will help his old friend DIckib to put an end to his suffering.

  • SolarWanderer

    Wow, such a vitriolic conversation going on here.

    • matt janovic

      Yes, it’s a mob with pitchforks outside the Nibiru church

      • D in B

        there is no nibiru church, it doesnt exist. where is it??? or are u going to ignore the direct question like your BF?

    • D in B

      cry baby. grow up and read the big boy words with your big boy pants. u are not commenting on it just as we are not.

  • FredSharp

    I just came here to read about Nibiru

    • matt janovic

      …and you find a rationalist mob with torches and pitchforks

      • D in B

        and liars. dont forget about them.

        oh and dogface hoes.

  • matt janovic

    “if you were dying in a hospital, I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone”
    There you have it, a true friend.
    Notwithstanding the risk of jail, Waiting will give to Dickib the supreme gift, the end of his suffering.

  • matt janovic

    The

  • Squatch

    I will debacle and not debate , this particular sudden turn of events for “nibiru” .

    This particular theory for a brown dwarf to its binary twin “low mass star” with a highly elliptical orbit , reaching its perigee after thousands of millennium , its nothing new , Kepler’s 3rd law I think.

    Our closest neighbor Alpha Alpha Centauri “a double star” has another Red Dwarf Binary “Proxima Centauri” , that travels a 500,000 year orbit upon returning to its Pedigree.

    Many Astrobiologists believe its actually more rare for a low mass star , “like our sun” , to “not” have a companion binary .

    So if mathematicians can theoretically narrow down an orbital period and procession , of our low mass star “Sun”, to say some “dwarf binary ” , coming on round tĥe mountain at some mere 3600 years , and archaeologist that study ice cores , rock , and tree ring , find plausibility in reoccurring extinction level events , one has to wonder why this subject has been so turbulent for many decades , why scientist went missing or defamed for such “witch trial beliefs”.

    Well here’s my debacle , if all those “Gypsies took a junk boat all the way from Russia , to the dirty ports of Baltimore , why didn’t they stop by My uncLe Lowie’s tavern , down in Dundalk , for free Vodka.

    • matt janovic

      How could the poor RUsskies, just off the boat, know about Uncle Lowie’s?

      As for that 3600 year recurrent event, there seems to be no record of disturbances in Egyptian or Sumerian or Assyrian history.

      • Squatch

        Actually after posting the time frame , I was actually thinking of the procession of the equinoxes at 26,000 years , someone spiked my wild Irish rose .

  • D in B

    direction question asked to the village drunk:

    I have science to back me up. You? you are a flat earther who wishes this made up planet to kill us all. do you deny this last part??? if you wished no harm on us, you would not be putting out this negative, lying-energy out into the world.

    his reply?

    Waiting4Nibiru D in B • 20 hours ago
    It’s not up to me to decide who perishes. We all have to save ourselves
    • Reply•Share ›

    and his bf defends this. someone who doesnt deny that he wishes people die.

    • Howard Stern ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

      I had to log out to see this comment. then unblock you to respond. and will block u once I respond.

      I agree with you. U were an idiot 90% of the time below. But your overall goal was to discredit them by saying they want this to happen. To which I agree with. You asked him, literally, if he wanted to deny your point….to which he didnt. I think that cost him the fight and shows these Nibiru-believers have nothing else better to do than hate their lives so much that they wish to God that this actually happens and wipes out the planet.

      and his girlfriend is not a “dogface”. Kind of hot actually.

      • D in B

        well its pretty good getting Stern’s approval. I put that I agreed that I was being an ass. They still wouldnt let us or see reason. So I sped right back to common sense, real life responses to knock some sense into them.

        That did not work because they are delusional Natzi’s who want to wipe out a civilization.

      • Squatch

        Sound words that hit home.

        • Howard Stern ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

          Not sure if you’re being sarcastic. Hard to tell anymore on this site.

          • Squatch

            I was being sincere Howard , I do know where your coming from .

            I’m a bit old school and question like you do , Your a good old soul , I wouldn’t listened to yo every morning with Robin , Gary”bababoui” , Fred “the ominous one” , and Gilbert Godfrey.

            Peace Friend

  • D in B

    haha uh oh, someones bones got hacks!