Trump Fires FEMA Director Brock Long

Maniacal Federal Emergency Management Agency Director Brock Long announced Wednesday he is resigning, and said “it was a great honor to serve President Trump and the American people.” Officially, Long resigned over allegations that he had repeatedly used company vehicles and aircraft for personal trips and vacations. The unofficial truth, however, is far more compelling and believable.

Early last year, we exclusively reported on a fifth-column movement within FEMA that had grown weary of Brock Long’s capricious and diabolical behavior. They spoke of how Long browbeat subordinates into submission and arbitrarily fired agents who questioned his authority and motives. Now, we have learned that over 150 FEMA operatives—including regional supervisors—submitted to President Trump letters requesting Long’s termination. They cited examples of his erratic, fickle behavior, such as when he asked Trump for access to MOAB bombs and ordered 16,000 guillotine blades from Mexico without presidential authority. Or suggested dropping nuclear bombs into the eyes of approaching hurricanes. Or began stockpiling canisters of cyanide gas.

Our FEMA source said this movement was instrumental in awakening Trump to Long’s true nature. More disturbing, when Trump announced a state of emergency was imminent, Long directly asked him, “Does this mean it’s open season?” alluding to FEMA’s desire to capture, incarcerate, and murder law-abiding American citizens.

“Many of us at FEMA think Trump finally acknowledged Brock Long is nothing more than an agent of evil hell bent on destroying America. His resignation is a godsend to the agency; we have prayed for his departure nearly ever since Trump appointed him. His cruelty truly has no limits. I don’t know what will happen with Gaynor, but can’t be worse.”

His comment referenced FEMA Deputy Director Pete Gaynor, of whom we know little. Our source said Gaynor was submissive to Long and thus seldom spoke unless given permission. Long had a propensity for censoring, editing, and revising speaking points before his underlings were allowed to address the media. Long ruled FEMA with an iron thumb.

“The atmosphere under Brock was oppressive. He cussed and screamed at anyone that challenged him. It got to the point where all we did was sit meekly by and listen to his rants and raves, of how he thought the American people were a mortal enemy that needed to be extinguished. Again, I pray whoever replaces him is a decent soul, but at the same time I know the history of the agency I work for and the underlying power it serves. Regardless, we commend Trump for his belated wisdom,” our source said.

In closing, he said Trump offered Long two possibilities: either retire with dignity, or face a military tribunal for crimes against America and its people.

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The author of this website is a semi-retired English teacher and former journalist for the New York Post and The Village Voice. He grew tired of mainstream lies and persues a less than lucrative carreer as an alternative news reporter and caregiver for one Nasty cat.