Trump, Merkel Feud Over Looming Nibiru Apocalypse

On Friday, German Chancellor Angela Merkel ventured into hostile territory—the Trump-controlled White House. The two leaders were scheduled to discuss world issues such as the ever-growing immigration crisis, NATO’s future, and how to handle Vladimir Putin’s latest plot against the Ukraine’s electric grid. However, our White House Source, a tenured Secret Service agent, disclosed that Merkel had arrived in Washington with an ulterior agenda, the looming Nibiru apocalypse.

Merkel confided to Trump that Germany had encountered unexpected geophysical obstructions while constructing a network of underground survival bunkers stretching from Frankfurt to Dusseldorf: to complete the project in time, in advance of Nibiru’s 2019 expected arrival, she was thirty billion dollars short.  She needed a loan.

Trump, however, was recorded saying: “Suppose that we are still alive in two years, how will you pay me back? Anyway, we’re really tired of bailing all you people out of trouble. I have my own people, my own survival bunkers to worry about. My shelters are ready and stocked up with  wine and caviar, and you’re broke! If you had been a contestant on The Apprentice, I would have fired you on day one.”

Trump pointed out that Markel had dug her own grave, crippling her country’s economy by permitting millions of criminal refugees to pour into Germany’s open borders, stressing the nation’s financial infrastructure and overwhelming social services.

“Trump was in an uproar,” our source said. “He told her, that if she truly cared about the people she governs, she would step down and let a capable leader take her place. ‘I know how to protect my people from Nibiru, but you ain’t fit to lead a nation, let alone defend it against Nibiru.’ President Trump was recorded saying.”

The meeting, our source said, culminated with Merkel’s warning that others, perhaps in Moscow or Peking, might be more interested in doing business with her.

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  • Josie

    I love someone who point blank tells it like it is. The nerve of her, I doubt anyone else will help her either..

    • matt janovic

      The Russkis, however, might be very useful to help manage those “unexpected geophysical obstructions”. They have a lot of technical expertise in mining; there is reason to believe that, with appropriate Soviet technology, the Germans might cut down the cost of excavations by as much as 69%.

  • Doomsday Phil (DDP)

    Yeah he tells it like it is but at what cost to the American people let alone the world.

  • Dinanthropoides nivalis

    Squatch ,

    Off topic here , Sorry for your loss, my friend Howard Stern , my prayers are with you brother.