Vatican Offers Obama Asylum

The Vatican has offered disgraced former president Barack Hussein Obama political asylum and protection against persons and organizations seeking his incarceration, says an Obama confidante speaking under condition of anonymity. Pope Francis, he said, personally penned a four-page letter praising Obama’s accomplishments, while anguishing over the trauma Trump and his Republican cartel had inflected upon him. Trump’s ascension to president, the letter said, was an affront to God; righteous justice would prevail over the shroud of infernal darkness Trump has unleashed onto the world.

In the meantime, the pope’s letter, which was delivered in a diplomatic pouch bearing the Pontiff’s Holy Seal to Obama’s Washington home, urged Obama to flee the United States before Trump acts on a series of unlawfully written, sealed criminal indictments. When that happens, not even Obama’s former presidential status can shield him from prosecution.

The pope promised Obama safe passage to Vatican City and guaranteed a contingent of his private guard—the Knights Templar and Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword—would protect Obama and his family from all threats, foreign and domestic, for the rest of their natural lives. Moreover, Pope Francis gave Obama his undying fealty and vowed to reject all extradition requests imposed on him or his loved ones.

No American intelligence operatives, the letter went on, had ever penetrated Vatican security, whereas Jesuit agents have held seats of political power in Washington dating back to the early 1800s. Apparently, Vatican spies embedded in the American political structure learned of Trump’s plan to imprison Obama and funneled their findings to Pope Francis.

“For whatever reason, the pope is enamored with Obama. He truly believes Obama is the chosen one who will right all the wrongs of the world today. He is playing right into Obama’s arrogant, egotistical attitude. He obviously doesn’t offer sanctuary to just anyone. The tone of the letter implied Obama’s freedom is in immediate jeopardy, and that he’ll be safer at Vatican City than any other location on the planet. He seems genuinely concerned with protecting Obama from Trump.”

Moreover, the context of the letter intoned that Trump’s bellicose attitude and cruel and capricious behavior is eroding the fabric of contemporary society. Trump’s misguided deeds are undoing all of Obama’s work toward worldwide social and financial equality. The pope also wrote that Trump is a direct threat to religious freedom.

“The wording of the letter is unambiguous: the pope feels Trump wasn’t satisfied getting out of office. He feels Trump is obsessed with Obama and will stop at nothing until Obama is behind bars,” our source said.

But he believes Obama will graciously decline the pope’s invitation. Both throughout and after his presidency, Obama has surrounded himself with a troop of “yes men,” each contributing to his salient arrogance.

“Obama thinks he’s bulletproof, untouchable,” our source said. “Unless the walls start crumbling around him, it’s unlikely he’ll seek help from anyone. Maybe after someone breaks down his door and drags him off, he’ll wish he had accepted the pope’s help.”

He said the letter closed on a curious note; Pope Francis reassured Obama spurious allegations of Vatican misconduct, yarns of his immediate retirement, and tales of Interpol seeking his arrest were clearly “fake news” stories conceived by pagan infidels looking to subvert Catholicism.

 

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  • Warriorswife

    Can you offer a source for this story? The Catholic Church is very good at keeping secrets and discretion. This story reads like you read the letter yourself.

  • Heartbroken in USA

    Give protection by the Knights Templar and Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword???
    Does
    the pope not know that the Templars were destroyed by the pope in 1307
    and the brothers of the cruciform sword is a fake group from Indiana
    Jones and the Last Crusade.
    Pretty sure we are not getting reliable information from this site.

    • Don Barrow

      You must think abortions are cool too, don’t you libtard. I bet you must love eating those aborted fetuses the moment the they get thrown into the Chinese dumpster too. Grab your head out of your ass, fucking degenerate who’s only 3/5. Open your fucking eyes, the world is too oblivious to accept the truth.
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catholic_Church_sexual_abuse_cases
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catholic_Church_sexual_abuse_cases_in_Europe
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fisting

      • Heartbroken in USA

        Don … This is the first time I have ever been called a Libtard. I am a stone cold Conservative and am always saying that being a liberal is having a mental disease. I am a staunch Trump supporter and have been known to strip liberals on social media. This however does not change the fact that the post is not accurate. I really wish the Pope and Obama would be brought to justice and I will rejoice when the swamp is no longer. I have not slept an entire night through, for worry of how the country is in such peril, UNTIL our new Pres was elected, and I defend him daily from the real libtards. This does not change the fact that the post is not accurate. Personally, I just have an affinity for the truth and the post is not accurate.

  • kenneth smith

    Protected by the cabal. This pope ought to start worrying about his own ass.

    • Sylvester Gronshiel

      Not to mention the mob but there is no way the pope is going to be harmed. unrealistic

      • Don Barrow

        The pope doesn’t have to worry about shit. I bet you he’ll just use his child sex slaves as human shields too.

        • -Wrex-

          The (((Pope))) aka Rothschild shill can go suck Lucifer’s hairy balls for all I care, providing asylum to Obunga. The only asylum either of them deserve is a mental one

  • -Wrex-

    Hopefully Delta Force will invade the Vatican before such an event occurs. The “people” of Vatican City and Obunga must be rounded up and exterminated like the alien Hebrew Muslim communist nazi lizard people they are.

  • Don Barrow

    I really think that we should arm ourselves and begin to exterminate the minorities first; the dark ones. If our lord and savior cannot save us, only you can prevent forest fires. I bet you there are multiple solid sources, but if they revealed themselves, they would be subjected to what fucking libtards call “enhanced interrogation.” It’s time to arm ourselves, brotherins. We must exterminate those who oppose our gate of eden. Join the Klan. It’s never too late.

    • -Wrex-

      fuc you pal the dark people are not that bad it’s the (((Mediterraneans))) we have to look out for

      • Don Barrow

        YOU are the reason why FEMA will blast a depository up our asses then pull it out with wet diarrhea slopping out of our goops. NIGGERS WILL HARBOR OBUNGA BECAUSE THEY REMAIN LOYAL. We don’t have to worry about those sand niggers because we can just send drones to fuck them up.

        • Sylvester Gronshiel

          woah chill out there buddy no need for those harsh words.

          • Don Barrow

            Fuck you, you must support not aborting anunakis. I fucking hope the FEMA comes to both of your houses and fucks you both up in the anus with the Vatican ejaculating in your mouths. I’ll be laughing and beating my fucking cock off when the Vatican and ObamNigger fucks yall up

          • -Wrex-

            I will fight you in Minecraft you fucker

          • Don Barrow

            PS4: HippieHead123. Come on mother fucker.

          • Sylvester Gronshiel

            BigRagSoul33x add me and ill beat you back to the womb

          • Don Barrow

            you can’t beat me back to the womb if I fucking eat myself first

        • -Wrex-

          FUCK YOU RACIALIST go back to your cave you fascist commie pig lizard alien cracker basterd >:DDDD Maybe if you got a job at McDonald’s instead of fucking your gay trap waifu sex pillow you might do something productive with your sorry life fucking libtard

  • Sylvester Gronshiel

    The only way this news got out to us is if the story itself is from a vatican spy here to corrupt our society and poison the truth of media. probably against trump. not the jesus i wanted

  • Rhonda1

    The False Prophet & the Antichrist.