VATICAN Threatens Trump: Do NOT Talk About Nibiru
The Nibiru saga continues to spin perilously close to the edge of reality as a new threat to world peace was successfully stymied at the Trump White House.
A country onto itself, Vatican City, the birthplace of Roman Catholicism and home to the Catholic Archdiocese, holds secrets and mysteries few outsiders have seen; of those who have, even fewer have lived to tell their tales. Every year, the walled enclave hosts millions of tourists, who visit St. Peter’s Basilica or the Sistine Chapel. However, what remains hidden from all prying eyes is the Torre dei Venti Observatory.
It was at the Torre dei Venti, in 1623, that Antonio Margheriti, professor of mathematics at the Jesuits’ Collegio Romano, while surveying the heavens, saw something no man was meant to see, the Nibiru system, a brown dwarf star with seven companion planets, all hurtling through space toward Earth.
The discovery was reported to the Celestial Bishops Congregation; after months of painstaking work and endless calculations, the conclusion reached was that, sometime in the first half of the 21st Century, Nibiru’s anterior axis would circle behind the dark side of the sun and intersect our inner solar system. At that moment, Pope Urban VIII issued the Papal Bull “NonoNibiru Diabolicum”, ordering that no man utter the word Nibiru, under penalty of death, disappearance, and formication.
Therefore, it happened that the Vatican had exclusive knowledge of the Nibiru system, until 1983, when NASA’s Infrared Astronomical Satellite spotted the cosmic interloper at the edge of the solar system. Jesuit spies—belonging to an order known as the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword– learned of NASA’s discovery and reported their findings to Pope John Paul II. He contacted President Ronald Reagan, warning him that public knowledge of the impending Nibiru apocalypse would compromise religious values and cause an immediate societal breakdown, across the globe. Reagan, by then a devoted Roman Catholic, agreed, and signed the Nibiru Secrecy Act of 1983.
That order stood firm until the evening of January 21, 2017, when, with a stroke of his Presidential Pen, newly elected President Donald J. Trump ended nearly four hundred years of concealment, signing a secret executive order pardoning all Nibiru whistle-blowers. At that, the Vatican leapt into action.
“Powers most high did not take Trump’s actions lightly,” our Rome source said. “In a way, the Vatican maintains a feeling of ownership with respect to Nibiru; meaning that it’s not something to be discussed whimsically like a change in the weather. They have kept Nibiru secret for four hundred years, and won’t let some hair-levitation guru sabotage their efforts.”
According to our source, a Vatican representative, Secretary of State Pietro Parolin, arrived at the White House on February 2nd to deliver a personal note on vellum parchment, written by Pope Francis and co-signed by Vatican Secretary of Governance Giuseppe Bertello.
“The gist of the note was simple enough, even for Trump,” our source said. It was an ultimatum: Do not talk about Nibiru… or else!
Upon reading the note, our source confided, President Trump erupted in anger, telling Pietro Parolin “you’re fired!” and having him thrown out of the Oval Office.
Our Washington source said: “Trump was visibly shaken. His hands were trembling and his face red. Soon, he was throwing things around. At that point, Chief Strategist Stephen K. Bannon and Trump’s son-n-law Jared Kushner were woken up. Upon their arrival in the Oval Office, Trump allegedly lambasted both for allowing “wop” spies to learn of his plans for widespread Nibiru disclosure.
“Who do those Fucks think they are,” Trump shouted. “I’m Donald J. Trump. No one tells Donald Trump what to do. If I were the president they’d all be in jail…” To which Bannon barked back: “You ARE the president!” Prompting Trump to demand, “Well, then… can we bomb them now?”
But Kushner intervened, insisting that bombing the Vatican had the potential of creating confusion and leading to possible misunderstandings, especially when the President was trying to collect his thoughts and calmly decide whether to go ahead with the much more popular idea of bombing Iran, or China over its absurd claim to having any kind of relationship to islands in the South China Sea.
Thanks in great part to an intervention by the First Daughter, however, there were no tweets or bombs fired in the direction of Rome, and President Trump instead agreed to calmly pen a note to Pope Francis.
While Trump’s personal comments to the pope remain a closely guarded secret, his actions clearly indicate those of a president willing to sacrifice his personal ambitions for the betterment of the people he governs.
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