Vermont Responds To PUTIN

As reported by the New York Post, “in a frightening new development, the Russian hackers believed to have interfered in the 2016 presidential election also reportedly penetrated a Vermont utility.”

Discovery of ancient Ukrainian malware on a Burlington Electric laptop, not connected to the power grid, has shocked Vermont. Governor Peter Shumlin (D) responded at once: “Vermonters and all Americans should be both alarmed and outraged that one of the world’s leading thugs, Vladimir Putin, has been attempting to hack our electric grid, which we rely upon to support our quality-of-life, economy, health, and safety. I have sworn to protect and defend the State of Vermont. I hope President Obama realizes the super seriousness of the situation.”

President Obama used strong words, saying, “all options are on the table.” However, Vermont officials observed that his actual response was weak, as usual. While he did expel an additional fifty-one Russian diplomats from U.S. territory—after thirty-five Russian intelligence analysts had been expelled last week—the Vermont Bureau of Investigation determined that the Obama expulsions were a joke: all expelled “diplomats” were in actuality, cooks, drivers, and cleaning ladies.

The Daily Kos asks whether “the Russians hacked into a BED computer as a way of retaliating against Bernie Sanders for endorsing Hillary Clinton in this year’s presidential election… What other motive would the Russians have?”

Governor Shumlin was joined by Vermont Senators Bernie Sanders and Patrick Leahy, who said:  “This is beyond hackers having electronic joy rides — this is now about trying to access utilities to potentially manipulate the grid and shut it down in the middle of winter.  That is a direct threat to Vermont and we do not take it lightly.”

After all-night discussions between the Governor and Senators Sanders and Leahy, a plan of action has been agreed to:

  • The 15th Civil Support Team has been tasked with guarding power stations across Vermont.
  • All Russian skiers in Stowe, are to surrender their ski-lift tickets.
  • 2660 reservists from Vermont’s National Guard have been mobilized, along with the 158th Fighter Wing.
  • Vermont direct sanctions against Russian interests have been initiated.

Our Montpelier sources have succeeded in penetrating an intense media blackout, providing us with exclusive information on the details of defensive operations under way.

Vermont’s 172nd Infantry Regiment and 101st Field Artillery Regiment have reached the Russian Embassy in Montpelier.  They have dug in, encircling the perimeter with tanks, and set up mortars.  All communication cables have been severed to keep the people inside from contacting Moscow. Shumlin is demanding the unconditional surrender of the embassy.

Since Vermont has no native maritime units, Shumlin called New York Governor Andrew Cuomo and was able to borrow a PB440 class patrol boat and several Zodiac inflatable rafts. The Vermont National Air Guard has flown the naval vessels to the Northern Pacific; they have already set sail for the Aleutian island of Chirkov, a Russian-owned territory sixty-five miles off the Kamchatka Peninsula. To back demands for an official apology from Vladimir Putin, Vermont naval forces have orders to seize and hold the island.

“That island is so cold,” our source said, “even the Russians don’t go there. Ice, snow, and forty below zero temperatures. Governor Shumlin apparently accounted for this, knowing his troops could easily take an unoccupied island with no resistance. A pair of F-16s and a refueling tanker are supporting the maritime operation.”

The Washington Post later retracted the hacking story, citing lack of evidence. However, a Washington Post reporter, who wishes to remain anonymous, explained that the Post would tomorrow retract its retraction, based on newly discovered evidence.

“Originally, we printed the story based on FBI and DHS reports of deadly Ukrainian malware found on Burlington Electric’s laptop. We were ordered to retract the story—they couldn’t link it to Russia. But now we’ve found the evidence” the anonymous Post reporter told us.

A more thorough investigation, by technicians of the Vermont Bureau of Investigation, revealed, on the laptop’s ‘delete’ key, a right-index fingerprint belonging to Russian Ambassador Vitaly Churkin.

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  • AbdielSchwitzer

    Much lies more from these website. Putin no need hack stupid Americans. Americans stupid and lies many times more as seen these website. Anything these website say Putin is lies lies and lies to tricks people.

    • matt janovic

      At least your good friend and fellow dissenter Josh Jackson points out elements of the story that he feels are questionable. It seems odd, that you simply cannot point out any element of the story that ought to raise suspicion.

      As for your claim that “Putin is lies lies”, I would love to see any evidence for that.

      • AbdielSchwitzer

        I no like these matt janovic.

        • Sipowicz Yevgeny

          You Abdiel have a problem with all stories here, and also with fellow readers. Why you “no like these matt janovic?” He always polite to you.

          You speak like a guy from Tomsk, always picking fights. I remember you were OK in school. What was it that changed you?

          • AbdielSchwitzer

            I never been Tomsk. I not know you, Sipowicz Yevgeny. Why tell lies me we never meets

          • Sipowicz Yevgeny

            Rather than start a pointless argument with Abdiel about our shared childhood, in good old cold Tomsk, I will just repost our old discussion, which appeared last May, under the Russian Aggression topic, in the RT Censor Interview:

            AbdielSchwitzer Somebones • 8 months ago

            RolandSipowitz is correct. No person named Yossarian has worked at RT. The information contained in the interview above is baseless. Very reckless. Seems much to be push to make people at RT seem more stupid than westernisms. All populars websites censor hate speech and personel attacks on people. Why paint RT unfavorably? No reason to this.

            Somebones Mod AbdielSchwitzer • 8 months ago

            Mr. Abdiel Schwitzer, if that is your name:

            First, thank you for taking the time to promote discussion on However, I am sorry you have a negative opinion of our journalistic integrity. I respect your opinion; but please understand we maintain a worldwide network of confidential sources who, though occasionally wrong, have proven highly credible in terms of information provided. As to Mr. Yossarian: I can assure you he exists. Our man in Moscow vetted him prior to our interview. I don’t know what I can tell you besides that. I hope you keep reading someonesbones.

            AbdielSchwitzer Somebones • 8 months ago

            If you had integrities you not print false information.

            Sipowicz Yevgeny AbdielSchwitzer • 8 months ago

            Thanks to someonesbones for putting RolandSipowitz in his place; he well deserves it.

            I regret to admit that Roland and I were friends in second grade, in Tomsk. This friendship did not last, mainly because Roland was generally seen as a sissy, because he came to school with an umbrella.

            In Roland’s first name, some boys saw pretentious French cultural imperialism. Moreover, his dad was once seen wearing jeans, which caused all sorts of rumors. Although this happened in the very early fifties, Roland and his father somehow managed to escape arrest.

            As for Abdiel Schwitzer, it’s a remarkable coincidence that he, Roland, and I, were all in the same class, until fifth grade. The girls in our class, loathed both Roland and Abdiel, because of the tricks those two never got tired of.

            Numerous parents had to complain, until Roland and Abdiel were both relegated to first row, where they could no longer indulge in their favorite “joke” of dipping girls’ hair in the inkwell on their desks.

            Ask anyone in Tomsk, and they will tell you: Ronald is not to be trusted, and Abdiel is worse.

            Yevgeny Sipowicz

            AbdielSchwitzer Sipowicz Yevgeny • 8 months ago

            Yevgeny Sipowicz you mistake me someone else. I never live Tomsk and go school with you.


            Sipowicz Yevgeny AbdielSchwitzer • 8 months ago

            And I remember you very well. Just because you may live in Leningrad now does not mean you were not in Tomsk in 1953

            Sipowicz Yevgeny Sipowicz Yevgeny • 8 months ago

            Dear Abdiel,

            I do not see how you could perceive Mr. Yossarian as stupid; he is a brilliant and wise man, who has managed to introduce some rationality into a stupid censorship system.

            Here are some of his lines:

            YO: Most of us here at RT, ve are Jews, Georgians, Armenians, and ve like vatching dumb Nazis and Jihadis making fool of zemselfs.

            YO: If they stupid, it’s OK. Being dumb joohater is not illegal in Russia.

            YO: Ve vant to show to ze vorld zat in Russia even total stupid free speech is all allowed.

            I believe that when this interview gets on the desk of the President, Yossarian will rapidly rise from his boring job as censor


            AbdielSchwitzer Sipowicz Yevgeny • 8 months ago

            I post RT many year and never one comment censored. Yes RT censor but only hate speach. No person Yossarian at RT. Interview is untruths.

            Sipowicz Yevgeny AbdielSchwitzer • 8 months ago

            Let’s see if you can prove that Yossarian does not work at RT!!

            AbdielSchwitzer Sipowicz Yevgeny • 8 months ago

            Sipowicz Yevgeny I read RT and post long time. I have friend RT. NO YOSSARIAN AT RT!!. Why this webpage try provokes RT I not know. RT is valued service to many.


            Sipowicz Yevgeny AbdielSchwitzer • 8 months ago

            OK, I believe you. You have friend at RT.

            But…how high up is your friend? Does he know the really important people at RT, those who know everything?

            Anyway, I think that the Yossarian interviewer was friendly and fair to Yossarian.

            Now, it looks to me like these guys at someonesbones (“SOB”), some are crazy, some not so crazy. Some say mean things to President, some say good things to President.

            A power struggle at SOB, perhaps?

  • Waiting4Nibiru

    I was hoping this would be a story about Nibiru. Oh well.

    • JoshJacksonKY

      Just replace every other word in the story with Nibiru and I’m sure you’ll be happy.

      • Waiting4Nibiru

        Mind your own business.

        • matt janovic

          Josh is in the complaint business.

  • JoshJacksonKY

    (1) There is on Russian Embassy in MontPiller
    (2) VT’s NG going to Russia in rafts? Really?
    So much bullshit in this story its too much to list. Utter crap and fake news shit.

    • matt janovic

      Fake news? With four links to respected news sources?

      As for the Russian Embassy, it’s clearly marked on any Montpelier map.

      If you are in Montpelier already, just go to the Greyhound Bus station and ask them; they will give you directions–the Russian embassy is not far from the Greyhound