White House Security Compromised?

Donald Trump’s son-n-law Jared Kushner is feared have been compromised during his recent trip to Iraq, says retired Secret Service agent Robert Felt.

On 3 April, Kushner and his entourage landed in Baghdad, invited by Robert Dunsford, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, to evaluate the military’s success in restoring peace and prosperity to the war-torn nation. Kushner’s party, our source says, included body doubles, decoys who had undergone plastic surgery to make them look like Kushner; they had also attended two months of Kushner Courses, during which they were taught how to talk, walk, and think like Kushner. They graduated the class only after replicating Kushner’s mannerisms as if they were second nature.

According to Mr. Felt, the final test was the most challenging. “Each double had to approach and converse with Ivanka, and put on an act so convincing that the first daughter actually believed she was talking to her husband. From what I heard, four doubles gave stellar performances; she never suspected she was talking to anyone other than her husband. After that, two body doubles accompanied him to Iraq.”

There was concern that Kushner might make a tempting target for ISIL or FSA or al-Nusra freedom fighters.  Moreover, intelligence reports had cautioned that a company of Ukrainian Tatar anti-separatists from Crimea had arrived in the Syrak Theater, intent on organizing false-flag events, with the objective of facilitating hostilities between Turkish and Russian forces in Syria.  The international implications were such, that the Pentagon insisted that Mr. Kushner be accompanied by at least two doubles.

The Kushner trip to the Iraq-Syria theater was further complicated by the alien factor, as the intelligence community in Washington is beginning to seriously take into consideration ominous chatter amongst ISIS followers, about the presence in Iraq of a malevolent race of shape shifting aliens, generally referred to as “the Reptilians”.

“For over two hundred years, these foul creatures have infiltrated the highest reaches of government,” Mr. Felt said. “They can mimic anyone, anytime, and they work insidiously to reach positions from which they can affect policy change to their liking.  Rumor had it that the Obama administration was infested with Reptilians; at one point, the internet was abuzz with the tale that a Reptilian had replaced President Obama himself. Trump is well aware of the Reptilian threat, and he purged several Obama stragglers, before finalizing his cabinet picks. Now, the Reptilians are desperate to regain a foothold in the White House. Kushner provided a tempting target, and I fear that he may have indeed been replaced by one of these evil beasts.”

The Evidence

During their first evening in Baghdad, Kushner visited the Hindya, which happens to be the single still unbombed nightclub in Baghdad. The Hindya, located within the walled Green Zone, is obviously considered “very very safe”.  Kushner’s party included doubles “KA” and “KB”.  Our source said that the three Kushners, who were sitting in different corners of the nightclub, consumed several drinks and became mildly intoxicated. Shortly after midnight, two “Kushners” emerged from the club.  It appears now that the third Kushner had gone to the mensroom but not returned to his table; that ominous development caused the two remaining Kushners to be hustled  back to their respective limousines and their hotel.

“When asked to identify himself, one of them confirmed that he was the real Kushner; the other claimed to be KB.  As for KA; he simply vanished. After that, the Secret Service man in charge ordered vice-presidential-level security for the remaining duo.”

The following evening, Mr. Felt said, Jared Kushner and his remaining decoy partied at the Ambassador Club, in the S-E Sector of the Green Zone. They mingled with the crowd, and downed shots with foreign dignitaries. At some point in the evening, one Kushner entered the mensroom with his SS man; neither returned to their table.

At that point, our source said, the Secret Service man in charge rushed the remaining Kushner back to the hotel.  “Asked if he was the real Kushner and not one of the decoys, he produced Jared Kushner’s passport. But that didn’t really mean much. Each decoy had a perfectly forged passport and credentials—so that any eventual kidnappers would have no way of knowing that their prisoner was anyone other than Jared Kushner.”

The Secret Service detail, our source added, administered a thumbprint scan and a blood test, confirming Kushner’s identity. Mr. Felt, however, fears that, since all three Kushners went to the mensroom, they may all have all been captured.

Further revelations were made by Mr.Felt.  However, we do not want to publish any ominous details, without first checking with certain well-informed sources we have in London and Moscow.

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  • AbdielSchwitzer

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    • matt janovic

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    • matt janovic

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      • JoshJacksonKY


        • matt janovic

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