Wiki Leaks Knows Nibiru Is Real

Before unceremoniously leaving the White House, former President Barrack Hussein Obama burned over three hundred pages of Nibiru research that might have helped Trump better understand the looming Planet X apocalypse. A former MI6 agent wishing to remain anonymous, who worked as a secret liaison between 10 Downing Street and the White House, claims to have witnessed Obama’s personal bonfire. Moreover, he says he gained access to key pages of the Nibiru dossiers, which he photocopied and leaked to various governmental watchdog agencies, including Wiki Leaks.

For simplicity, we shall refer to our source as Mr. Black.

From 2012-2016, Her Majesty’s government had tasked him with clandestinely monitoring communications that could have compromised American-British relations. When Obama, as one of his first presidential acts, offended the British government by returning the bust of Winston Churchill that Tony Blair had loaned to George Bush in 2001, 10 Downing Street became concerned and planted a “mole” at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

“The United Kingdom viewed this as an act of defiance,” Mr. Black said. “Members of parliament were gravely concerned that Obama would distance himself from his British allies, abandon decades of cooperation, and ultimately forsake the British-American relationship in favor of building alliances with predominately Muslim nations. Under the pretense of an intelligence sharing operation, the MI6 rotated agents in and out of the White House. I learned about Planet X and the Nibiru papers by accident; a disgruntled Obama aid clued me in. I did what I had to, for Queen, country, and all mankind.”

The dossier, Mr. Black said, was stored haphazardly in a simple combination safe in a West Wing annex. He cracked the safe in two minutes flat.

Mr. Black said he photocopied fifteen pages containing charts, diagrams, mathematical equations, damage predictions, and notes on how the United States would maintain continuity of government following Nibiru’s passage through the solar system. The paperwork, he said, also outlined a plan to declare martial law several months before Nibiru becomes visible to the world. He scanned the documents, and then encrypted and submitted them to Wiki Leaks using a throwaway laptop at a publically accessible Wi-Fi hotspot. To avoid being implicated in criminal malfaiscence, he “smashed the laptop to dust” and torched the photocopied pages. He said he does not know whether Wiki Leaks validated the documents; he neither wanted nor waited for a confirmation. Since Wiki Leaks has sworn to protect its sources, however, he sent proof of his identity and information confirming he had worked within the White House. He hopes someone at Wiki Leaks will realize the importance of the papers and forward them to Jullian Assange for review.

“I have no way of knowing if the info reached Assange,” Mr. Black said. “I understand Wiki Leaks has a very thorough vetting process regarding information it receives. Frankly, this material might be too hot for even them to deal with. I sincerely hope, though, that for the sake of all of us, they will properly verify the info and forward it to Assange. This is, after all, the greatest cover up in human history.

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  • AbdielSchwitzer

    These more lies

    • matt janovic

      How many? Many more, or less many?

      • AbdielSchwitzer

        all these websites is lies

        • matt janovic

          Yes, I hear that these Bones and Snopes are partnering now, in a concerted effort to purge fake news from the internet.